Thursday, March 29, 2007

Critical Time

This is the critical time. I spent today relaxing, back home again, catching up on things and thinking what a difference it makes to be HERE, peaceful and calm and happy.

And then the call came. Chaos back THERE. What should they do? Disaster. Maybe. No one’s sure. Tell us what we should do, they ask.

I answer calmly. I don’t have enough information to know and I’m HERE, it’s not in my hands. Suggest questions to be asked, steps to be taken. Not offering to solve it all again. Not offering to jump on another plane and go back to rescue them. Again. Even if I wanted to I can’t. I have obligations here. is hard to do this, to stand firm. To let people I have loved so deeply resolve their own crisis—if they can. To watch it all fall apart if they can’t.

Knowing that if I go back I drown—and disaster is only postponed a little longer. Knowing that the chaos is because of choices they make and have made. Knowing they may not be capable of changing and if they can’t it will all fall apart.

Tonight I have no answers, only a profound grief that it has come to this. It is no satisfaction to know that I was right in what I tried to tell them—for years and years.

Sending safe and gentle (((((((hugs))))))),

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