Wednesday, April 30, 2008

6 Random Things

I was tagged by Jumping in Puddles to do another meme. According to her post the rules are:

Link to the person who tagged you
Post their rules on your blog
Write six random things about yourself
Tag six random people by linking to their blogs
Let each of the six know they've been tagged by leaving them a comment (on their blogs)
Let your tagger know when your entry is up

Hmmmm. Six random things about me? Well...

1) I like to play Nintendo Wii. Good exercise!
2) I like dark chocolate and rum raisin ice cream. Pity no one has ever combined the two...
3) I've lived in 7 states and visited over a dozen countries.
4) Growing up, I wanted to be like Spock because while he obviously had emotions, he didn't let them control him.
5) I have two small tabletop fountains in my house and love the sound of the water flowing.
6) I like country music—especially songs like: I hope you dance, Standing in the fire, and anything sung by Martina McBride.

As before, rather than tagging anyone, I'm going to invite anyone who wants to play.

Off to let Jumping in Puddles know my post is up!

Thursday, April 24, 2008


I've been tagged by Beautiful Dreamer. The challenge is to:

1)Write your own six word memoir
2) Post it on your blog; include a visual illustration if you’d like
3) Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible
4) Tag at least five more blogs with links
5) Leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

I've got the link to Beautiful Dreamer's site above. I tried tracking back to the original post but somehow got lost or hit a dead end doing so.

I think I'm going to skip tagging people. I'm not really comfortable with that. Instead I'm going to invite anyone so inclined to join in.


It was interesting trying to choose just six words to describe my journey. I chose these because it's where I began and where I am now (victim/thriver) and the internal resources that let me get to this point.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


I've been thinking about expectations—maybe because of my trip back east. Expectations trip us up all the time, don't they? We expect certain things of ourselves and other people and if they don't work out that way, often we get upset.

I've been working on allowing myself to have expectations FOR MYSELF but detaching from the results. In other words, I'm setting goals for who I want to be and what I want to do but accepting that things may not work out the way I intend—and that it's okay if they don't.

That does NOT mean I don't do my best to accomplish whatever it is I've got as an expectation! I most certainly do. But it means I don't get upset with myself if things take a different direction.

With my son, I know what I wish for him. I know the hopes and dreams and fears I hold when it comes to his future. The challenge is to offer guidance when he will let me and at the same time acceptance of who he is, as he is. The challenge is to focus on what's good about him and what I love and build on that rather than focusing on the difficulties.

It seems to me I knew this when he was little. I fought for staff in programs he was in to see him as an individual and not a diagnosis and to build on his strengths, not just focus on areas where he was behind his peers in development. I know it consciously about myself as well, it's just that emotions don't always match the knowledge!

But think what the world would be like if we could all focus on what's right and good in the people around us. Think what the world would be like if we all reached out with love and encouragement to our children and ourselves. Think how different our lives would be if our parents had been able to do that with us!

So I'm thinking about expectations this week. How about you?

Sending blessings and safe and gentle ((((((hugs)))))),

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Focus pt. 2

Shall I tell you about the ambulance called to my son’s program and how he wouldn’t go in it? Or about my ex-husband’s call to me as I was in the shuttle and on my way to the airport to come home?

Shall I tell you how it always takes me a few days to recover my sense of balance after one of these visits?

It would be easy to focus on the chaos. It would be easy to let myself be sucked into the drama—and try to pass it on to you by relating everything that went wrong. But...

But if I did that, I would miss out on telling you that in many ways it was a very good visit with my son. In spite of his Down syndrome, we connected better than we have in a while. And my ex-husband has finally managed to get him to go to bed by midnight—most nights anyway.

If I focused on the chaos, I might not remember to tell you my son is okay. (Well, he wasn’t having a heart attack, anyway. He did have some tests and we’ll have the results next week.)

If I focused on the chaos, I might believe that’s how life is instead of remembering how good my life is most of the time. I might forget that I no longer have to live in that chaos and be part of it. I might forget that instead of being a helpless person barely able to keep all the plates spinning in the air, I’m actually someone who is strong and capable and able to successfully help others.

It is difficult to go back into that chaotic situation and remember this was my life for so long. It is difficult, sometimes, to accept that both my son and my ex-husband are making choices to create and continue the chaos and that they have the right to do so.

I grieve every time I go there. I grieve for the hopes and dreams I used to have and for what might have been. And then I remind myself to celebrate what’s good and right about my situation AND theirs. It might not be what I want for myself, but it is what they are choosing for themselves.

It’s good to be home.

Sending blessings and safe and gentle ((((((hugs))))))),

Saturday, April 05, 2008


Just a quick post because I don’t have much time. I’m here with my son who is grown and has Down syndrome with major behavioral issues. I could tell you about the chaos here. I could tell you how glad I am I didn’t try to keep the house. I could tell you how every trip back here reaffirms how right my decision to leave was. I could tell you about the frustration of no time to see friends. But....

I’d rather tell you how changing my focus has changed my experience here.

Now when my ex-husband comes up with chaos and tries to draw me in, I simply smile and say, “No.” I might point out ways HE can handle things but I am able to refuse to jump in and handle them for him. I can remember the good that being married to him brought into my life as well as acknowledge what wasn’t right—without anger because I no longer feel as if my life and sense of self-worth are under his control.

Now, despite my worry about how my son’s behavior causes so many problems for him, I can let myself focus on how much I love him. Now I can set boundaries with him lovingly—rather than in frustration—and know that while some might not stick, others will and they have a better chance of doing so because I know he senses the difference in me.

I can let so much go knowing I am only here for a few days and then will be back in the home I love.

I am choosing to focus on what is right and good about my son and his situation and mine. The irony is that by doing so, I find myself thinking of solutions to things that had I focused on them directly would have seemed overwhelming.

I am not saying it’s easy. I doubt it will ever be easy to come here and see the situation with my son and know that I have no real answers to make things better. And yet, at the same time, there is a tiny seed of hope. If my experience of this visit can in some ways be so much better than the last, perhaps there will come a time when I see solutions I can’t right now.

There is power in choosing our focus. It alters US. We may find ourselves seeing alternatives or understanding situations and/or able to take action(s) we couldn’t before. Certainly it beats the heck out of focusing on being unhappy and feeling overwhelmed!

What situation might you be able to see through a new point of focus? And if you did, what new actions might you find yourself taking?

Sending blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs)))))),