Saturday, April 05, 2008


Just a quick post because I don’t have much time. I’m here with my son who is grown and has Down syndrome with major behavioral issues. I could tell you about the chaos here. I could tell you how glad I am I didn’t try to keep the house. I could tell you how every trip back here reaffirms how right my decision to leave was. I could tell you about the frustration of no time to see friends. But....

I’d rather tell you how changing my focus has changed my experience here.

Now when my ex-husband comes up with chaos and tries to draw me in, I simply smile and say, “No.” I might point out ways HE can handle things but I am able to refuse to jump in and handle them for him. I can remember the good that being married to him brought into my life as well as acknowledge what wasn’t right—without anger because I no longer feel as if my life and sense of self-worth are under his control.

Now, despite my worry about how my son’s behavior causes so many problems for him, I can let myself focus on how much I love him. Now I can set boundaries with him lovingly—rather than in frustration—and know that while some might not stick, others will and they have a better chance of doing so because I know he senses the difference in me.

I can let so much go knowing I am only here for a few days and then will be back in the home I love.

I am choosing to focus on what is right and good about my son and his situation and mine. The irony is that by doing so, I find myself thinking of solutions to things that had I focused on them directly would have seemed overwhelming.

I am not saying it’s easy. I doubt it will ever be easy to come here and see the situation with my son and know that I have no real answers to make things better. And yet, at the same time, there is a tiny seed of hope. If my experience of this visit can in some ways be so much better than the last, perhaps there will come a time when I see solutions I can’t right now.

There is power in choosing our focus. It alters US. We may find ourselves seeing alternatives or understanding situations and/or able to take action(s) we couldn’t before. Certainly it beats the heck out of focusing on being unhappy and feeling overwhelmed!

What situation might you be able to see through a new point of focus? And if you did, what new actions might you find yourself taking?

Sending blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs)))))),


jumpinginpuddles said...

hang in there it sounds stressful but we are glad you are there


sorry we havent been around lately but we are now trying to find more spaces in our day to get to all of our blogging freinds thankyou for your support and patience.

April_optimist said...

Jumping in Puddles,

Thank you for stopping by. And hey, I'm way behind visiting my friends' blogs, too!