Just a quick post because I don’t have much time. I’m here with my son who is grown and has Down syndrome with major behavioral issues. I could tell you about the chaos here. I could tell you how glad I am I didn’t try to keep the house. I could tell you how every trip back here reaffirms how right my decision to leave was. I could tell you about the frustration of no time to see friends. But....
I’d rather tell you how changing my focus has changed my experience here.
Now when my ex-husband comes up with chaos and tries to draw me in, I simply smile and say, “No.” I might point out ways HE can handle things but I am able to refuse to jump in and handle them for him. I can remember the good that being married to him brought into my life as well as acknowledge what wasn’t right—without anger because I no longer feel as if my life and sense of self-worth are under his control.
Now, despite my worry about how my son’s behavior causes so many problems for him, I can let myself focus on how much I love him. Now I can set boundaries with him lovingly—rather than in frustration—and know that while some might not stick, others will and they have a better chance of doing so because I know he senses the difference in me.
I can let so much go knowing I am only here for a few days and then will be back in the home I love.
I am choosing to focus on what is right and good about my son and his situation and mine. The irony is that by doing so, I find myself thinking of solutions to things that had I focused on them directly would have seemed overwhelming.
I am not saying it’s easy. I doubt it will ever be easy to come here and see the situation with my son and know that I have no real answers to make things better. And yet, at the same time, there is a tiny seed of hope. If my experience of this visit can in some ways be so much better than the last, perhaps there will come a time when I see solutions I can’t right now.
There is power in choosing our focus. It alters US. We may find ourselves seeing alternatives or understanding situations and/or able to take action(s) we couldn’t before. Certainly it beats the heck out of focusing on being unhappy and feeling overwhelmed!
What situation might you be able to see through a new point of focus? And if you did, what new actions might you find yourself taking?
Sending blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs)))))),