9/11

I still remember vividly that morning when the planes hit the twin towers and the Pentagon and that field in Pennsylvania. My daughter and I were going to spend a couple of days together before she left for college--by plane. It's one of the things that made me realize I didn't want to waste any more years unhappy.

When I look back, I remember the tragedy of loss of life. I also remember, though, the way people came together--despite their other differences. Briefly instead of screaming at each other, we helped each other out. People gave of themselves to help others. There was true heroism as well as the horror.

9/11 was not the end of New York City. It is as vibrant and alive as ever. That's good to remember. Tragedies happen. We can survive them and recover and live vibrant, happy lives. The key is to help each other, to believe in ourselves, to go on even when we don't see the way more than a step or two in front of us.

I will never forget what happened on 9/11. At the time I lived close enough to the city that firefighters and ambulances from my town headed up there. People I knew were in the city at the time and it took more than a day to verify they were okay. Some just missed being in the twin towers when they came down. But I will remember the love and heroism and unity as well as the horror.

Sending blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs))))))),
April_optimist

All of What I Feel

It has been an interesting time since I returned from my trip. Intense emotion hits me at odd moments. What I'm calm about on the surface turns out, some times, to be something I am not so calm about underneath.

I have learned the hard way that trying to suppress intense emotion means one cannot laugh as easily or feel joy. And what I try to suppress gains strength whereas that which I am willing to let surface can be felt and then let go. That's what's been happening to me over the past couple of weeks.

I am happy for all the good things in my life and in the lives of those I care about. At the same time I can grieve for hopes and dreams let go as life changes what the possible futures might look like. It's not that these possible futures, these new hopes and dreams are any worse than the ones I had before just that they are different and it's time to let go of how I once thought things would be. And in letting myself grieve I am honoring who I am and how I feel—and then I can let them go and embrace the new hopes and dreams and possibilities.

I can be happy, too, that NOW I am someone who can celebrate the changes in my life—instead of always being afraid of them. I can be grateful for people who come into my life and enrich it—for however long they are here without needing to grab onto them terrified they might go away. I can help my children explore the possibilities in their lives without believing that their choices determine whether I have succeeded or failed in mine. I can choose who I will be and what I will do without being terrified of what others will think—and that too is a wonderful thing.

It is an interesting time for me and I am willing to let it be whatever it is.

Here's hoping that you are having some joy amid the challenges in your lives, a sense of trust in yourselves and a willingness to honor all of who you are.

Sending blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs)))))))),
April_optimist