Wednesday, September 02, 2009

All of What I Feel

It has been an interesting time since I returned from my trip. Intense emotion hits me at odd moments. What I'm calm about on the surface turns out, some times, to be something I am not so calm about underneath.

I have learned the hard way that trying to suppress intense emotion means one cannot laugh as easily or feel joy. And what I try to suppress gains strength whereas that which I am willing to let surface can be felt and then let go. That's what's been happening to me over the past couple of weeks.

I am happy for all the good things in my life and in the lives of those I care about. At the same time I can grieve for hopes and dreams let go as life changes what the possible futures might look like. It's not that these possible futures, these new hopes and dreams are any worse than the ones I had before just that they are different and it's time to let go of how I once thought things would be. And in letting myself grieve I am honoring who I am and how I feel—and then I can let them go and embrace the new hopes and dreams and possibilities.

I can be happy, too, that NOW I am someone who can celebrate the changes in my life—instead of always being afraid of them. I can be grateful for people who come into my life and enrich it—for however long they are here without needing to grab onto them terrified they might go away. I can help my children explore the possibilities in their lives without believing that their choices determine whether I have succeeded or failed in mine. I can choose who I will be and what I will do without being terrified of what others will think—and that too is a wonderful thing.

It is an interesting time for me and I am willing to let it be whatever it is.

Here's hoping that you are having some joy amid the challenges in your lives, a sense of trust in yourselves and a willingness to honor all of who you are.

Sending blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs)))))))),
April_optimist

10 comments:

Kahless said...

Work is an interesting time for me at the moment; I am kind of enjoying it.

And hopefully I am honouring myself.

Here's to (good) challenges!

VICKI IN AZ said...

April what a tender expression of your life. I enjoyed this very much. I also really liked that you put into words that if we deny our feelings it keeps us from experiencing others like joy, and laughter. Which is a shame because laughter is one of my very favorite things.
Take Care,
Vicki

Just Be Real said...

April, appreciated your comment. Enjoyed this post and the realization. Blessings dear one.

Paul from Mind Parts said...

I am so glad you were able to write that (and most of all feel that). I am so grateful for these times in my life (healing journey) too. Not all, or even many, days are like this. But when you are able to take stock and appreciate, it does help. Thanks. Paul

Marj aka Thriver said...

Wow, you really ARE feeling the feelings. Always a good thing, even when it's hard. And gratitude, too. You are such an aware and growing person. I feel honored to know you, April.

gypsy-heart said...

I love your energy now!! You not only embracing change you are welcoming it. You go girl!!

Good energies and peace of heart to you,

~g-h

April_optimist said...

Kahless, Glad you're enjoying work and honoring yourself.

Vicki, Absolutely!

Just Be Real, Thank you.

Paul, Every day, if you can find even one thing to honor about yourself and who you are, it will help you make your healing journey.

Marj and Gypsy-Heart, Thank you both.

DMN said...

Hi, if you would like to see my blog on abuse and healing it is- http://solegroup.blogspot.com/

Colleen said...

I enjoyed this. Well said. Blessings and hugs!

April_optimist said...

Thank you, Colleen.

DMN, I'll take a look.