Thursday, January 22, 2009

Thoughts on My Trip

Well, I'm back from helping my son settle into his group home. It wasn't an easy trip. It wasn't easy seeing his confusion about why he's there and his fear that it's a punishment because he “messed up big time at the house.”

I did my best to help him know that he's there because we love him and see it as a good step forward. I did my best to help him focus on what is good about his new situation. I also asked, every possible way, what he didn't like about the group home and double checked everything I could to make sure there was no abuse. He said, over and over, that he's unhappy he has to follow rules but that it's the only thing he doesn't like about the group home and that they are good to him there. I shudder when I think what it would be like if he had had to make such a move because something happened to both his father and me and neither of us were there to help him adjust.

I helped him move his things from the house to the group home. I helped him sort through the things at the house to see what he's ready to get rid of. We didn't finish the job but at least we finally started it. He got to see friends of mine who have known him since he was a young boy. And I think he is better for my visit.

I also saw the house for what may be the last time. I saw the work my ex will have to do to fix it up and I am more relieved than ever that I did not try to keep the house. I mourned—and am still mourning—the loss of hopes and dreams I had for my marriage, my home and my son. I worry about him but know that we talk every day and that if there is a real problem, he can tell me.

And I move forward with my own life. I celebrate, with the rest of the country, how far the United States has come since I was a child when the election of someone like Barack Obama as president would have been unthinkable. I love that he says we need not and must not betray our souls, our honor to create the lives we want to have. I love that he seeks to unite rather than divide us.

Change. In our personal lives and on the world stage we cannot avoid it. The challenge is to find a way to embrace it and see the possibilities. But it isn't always easy. That's why it's so important that we do so consciously choosing to look for what could be good about every change and challenge.

Here's hoping the changes in your life this week have been good ones. Sending safe and gentle ((((((hugs))))))),



quacks like a duck said...

I've been thinking about you and your son and I'm very glad it went well.

andrew said...

Just to let you know I am following your posts. glad it went well with your son. Thank you for reading my severe depression blog. In my deepest moments it helps somehow to know that someone like yourself is reading my thoughts and feelings. It makes me feel less isolated.
All the best

Marj aka Thriver said...

Thanks for the update on your trip. Sounds like there were a lot of mixed emotions. I want you to know I think you are very brave and I think you are an excellent Mom!

Kahless said...


Ali said...
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jumpinginpuddles said...

im glad hes all settled and i hope it helps settle you a bit more, closure no matter how mcuh you try to prepare its coming is still hard