It's pouring rain which means the carpeted family room is about to start flooding.
There's no umbrella in the house and my son has to get to the bus to get to his day program.
The downstairs toilet is overflowing any time water goes down the drain in any other part of the house.
And my ex isn't answering his cell phone so I can ask:
a) Where are the umbrellas?
b) What plumber does he use to clear out the drain from the street to the house.
Add to that not telling me the tire on the car was low on air and you have a pretty good picture of what my life was like all the time for close to 30 years. I call it the theater of the absurd.
Now, one way or another I'll manage. I always did. If I can't find out what plumber my ex uses I'll just go down the list in the yellow pages. (Though a plumber who knows the recurring problem would save time.) The tire got plugged. If need be I'll drive my son to his program. And to hell with the carpet flooding, if it comes to that.
As I said, this gives you an idea of what my life was like for so many years.
I am so grateful that it is only occasionally that I have to deal with this kind of chaos any more. It reminds me how and why I felt overwhelmed for so many years. It reminds me, too, of old patterns and the need not to fall into them again.
Being a martyr isn't nearly as useful as taking action to deal with whatever one needs to deal with—AND getting away from someone who creates perpetual chaos. (Not having the problems in the first place beats the sympathy one gets from having to cope with chaos.)
I no longer assume the problem is me (because who would be crazy enough to do this kind of stuff....I MUST be missing something).
I don't waste time trying to analyze his motives. Doesn't matter. He is who he is and not likely to change. If there's something to deal with, I deal with it.
I give voice to my unhappiness now—rather than trying to smooth things over or pretend they don't matter. These things do matter. I matter.
I CAN MAKE CHOICES. I can make choices about how I handle things now, while I'm here, and I can make choices about what I will do in the future.
And in a couple of days I can go home. Away from the chaos.
What is YOUR theater of the absurd and what choices could you make that would make your life easier or better? What are the patterns you might want to change about how you act and react to situations?
Sending blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs)))))))),