Wednesday, February 24, 2010


Well, I'm heading back east again soon to see my son. And to stay with friends for the last time before they move to a whole new part of the country. (He lost his job, they have no savings, etc.) So it's going to be a bittersweet visit. No doubt I'll run into my ex-husband as well.

The first thing I want to say is a plea to everyone to find some way to save money. Savings give you options you wouldn't otherwise have. And I know it's hard! It's even harder to have to walk away from a home you've loved for over 20 years because you suddenly lose your job and can't pay the mortgage and have zero money in the bank as back up until can you find a new job. My friends made the choices with their money that they emotionally needed to make at the time, but now it leaves them with very few options and my heart hurts for them.

Oddly enough I'm more comfortable at the thought of seeing my ex again than I have been in previous visits—a direct result of setting those boundaries with him last month. I know that I can wish him well without being drawn back into chaos. I can speak from strength not fear.

Seeing my son is always bittersweet. I've made choices that were best for him—given the full sum of the situations. And yet there are always regrets that things worked out as they did. Still, I know he's safe, I know he's finally having boundaries set that will help him grow, I know he's learning to be more independent in his group home. And when I ask—because I always do, in various oblique ways—his main complaint is that he must follow rules and I know in my heart that's a good thing. So I encourage him to explore this new phase of his life and encourage him to find new ways to grow and know that I love him.

The unabashedly joyful news is that my daughter is choosing to come see me on her spring break and that we have a closeness now, a mutual respect, that was lacking for so long. It is wonderful to see the young woman she has become and to be able to share time with her. And that visit will be on the other side of my visit to see my son. March is going to be quite a month!

Here's hoping all of you have reasons to look forward to March as well. Sending blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs)))))),


Holly/Admin said...

Very inspiring message for everyone April! Safe travels

Just Be Real said...

Dear one thank you for sharing this wealth of information. Blessings and safety to you dear!

Patricia Singleton said...

Boundaries can give us so much more to enjoy in life than we had as abused children and frightened adults. Boundaries make us safe. I set a new boundary with a loved one last night. It was scarey and it was rewarding. It enabled me to let go of a resentment that I had toward her.

Mark said...

Sounds like your relationships are all in a healthy place. Enjoy your trip.

Colleen said...

A safe trip. Hugs and blessings!

Marj aka Thriver said...

Life really is just bittersweet at so many moments, isn't it? Have a safe trip and keep up those boundaries with the ex. You inspire me!

April_optimist said...

Thank you everyone. It is a challenge sometimes to know what those boundaries should be--and how to keep them. But boundaries protect us and help us remember not to intrude on the lives of others when we shouldn't. But it is a challenge.