Why Quiet So Long

It's been an interesting couple of weeks. My ex has come up with a plan for our Wills. Never mind that we're divorced and have been for several years. What is interesting to me is how this has brought up old feelings, old hopes and dreams, old...griefs....and of course old fears for me to process.

I look at it as a blessing—a chance to recognize and let go of old beliefs and hopes that no longer apply or serve me well. It is a chance to see myself in a new way. It is a chance to let go of fears that are not valid—if they ever were. It is a chance to grow.

I have not only been looking back but looking forward as well. How do I respond in love and still set the boundaries I choose to set? How do I embrace who I am and what I want—even if it is not what someone else might choose? How do I look beyond what I hope for to see what is—and choose what is real over what my emotions want to believe?

As I said—it has been and is a chance to grow.

I wish my ex well. I hope he is happy. At the same time, I do not want to get sucked into chaos and convoluted schemes. I want to move forward in my own life and embrace the happiness that is my reality NOW.

I am taking my time processing all of this. I want to be sure I speak and act from my highest self—rather than the (sometimes) scared inner child. I want to be sure I am true to the person I want to be—all of who I want to be. That means someone who stands up for herself, sets boundaries, chooses wisely and speaks from a place of love even when saying things the other person does not want to hear. I choose to be someone who believes in herself. I choose to be someone who has faith in her ability to find solutions and evolve as life changes around me.

At any rate, that's why I've been so quiet the past couple of weeks. I've been sorting out emotions and thoughts and making choices.

I hope that you are finding ways to sidestep your fears and grow and make choices that support the person YOU choose to be.

Sending blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs))))))),

April_optimist

New Year

It's a new year and a chance to look, as always, at what old patterns I want to let go and what new ideas/patterns/changes I want to embrace.

Dealing with my ex-husband over the holidays, I realized I definitely want to let go of the last of the fear based thinking/reacting that still lingers in some of our interactions.

Dealing with my daughter, I am so ready to embrace this new friendship and mutual respect between us. I adore the woman she has become!

Dealing with my son, I'm ready to embrace his growing independence from me as he settles more and more into his group home.

As for New Year's resolutions....my tendency is to want safety above all else. The most useful resolution, then, might be to do something new every week. It might be try a new way to cook something or a new place to go or a new way to interact with others or....? The key is just to try new things and thereby expand my comfort zone one a continuous basis.

How about you? What changes are you making? Any resolutions to share?

Sending blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs))))))),
April_optimist