Saturday, January 23, 2010

Why Quiet So Long

It's been an interesting couple of weeks. My ex has come up with a plan for our Wills. Never mind that we're divorced and have been for several years. What is interesting to me is how this has brought up old feelings, old hopes and dreams, old...griefs....and of course old fears for me to process.

I look at it as a blessing—a chance to recognize and let go of old beliefs and hopes that no longer apply or serve me well. It is a chance to see myself in a new way. It is a chance to let go of fears that are not valid—if they ever were. It is a chance to grow.

I have not only been looking back but looking forward as well. How do I respond in love and still set the boundaries I choose to set? How do I embrace who I am and what I want—even if it is not what someone else might choose? How do I look beyond what I hope for to see what is—and choose what is real over what my emotions want to believe?

As I said—it has been and is a chance to grow.

I wish my ex well. I hope he is happy. At the same time, I do not want to get sucked into chaos and convoluted schemes. I want to move forward in my own life and embrace the happiness that is my reality NOW.

I am taking my time processing all of this. I want to be sure I speak and act from my highest self—rather than the (sometimes) scared inner child. I want to be sure I am true to the person I want to be—all of who I want to be. That means someone who stands up for herself, sets boundaries, chooses wisely and speaks from a place of love even when saying things the other person does not want to hear. I choose to be someone who believes in herself. I choose to be someone who has faith in her ability to find solutions and evolve as life changes around me.

At any rate, that's why I've been so quiet the past couple of weeks. I've been sorting out emotions and thoughts and making choices.

I hope that you are finding ways to sidestep your fears and grow and make choices that support the person YOU choose to be.

Sending blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs))))))),



Colleen said...

Hugs and blessings to you! Good idea, take it slow. Thanks for visiting my blog.

jumpinginpuddles said...

what is it with ex's who wont or cant properly let go!!!!!!!!

Just Be Real said...

Dear one, take it one day at a time. Blessings..

Paul from Mind Parts said...

It's really excellent that you are able to give yourself this time and space to process things... let it percolate throughout to make sure you know how you really feel. This is something I strive for... and it's so nice to see others actually be able to do it.

Marj aka Thriver said...

Well, I think some of the wise things you have stated here would be great to include in your response to your ex. It sounds like you have made much more progress in the area of boundaries than your ex has. As usual, I am always so happy to read about your growth.

April_optimist said...

Thank you Colleen.

Jumping in Puddles, I think my ex wants validation that I believe he's the good guy he thinks he is...

Just Be Real, I'm trying...

Paul, When I finally spoke with my ex, I was able to calmly set the boundaries and hold to them. I kept reminding myself that what mattered was being true to myself.

Marj, I have to admit it felt really good setting the boundaries with him and holding firm. There is a cost to doing that but the alternative would be worse.

VICKI IN AZ said...

April your inspiration is contagious and you example just what I need. As always thank you, for being you.