Saturday, October 24, 2009


I do not often worry about dreams. When I have one that's important, it's always transparently clear what I'm meant to look at. I do, take any necessary steps and then move on. Now, though....

I've had dreams for several nights now telling me there's something still left to look at and that until I do, I'm trapped where I am. And those dreams are telling me clearly that I must write about my life.

Now...first...this does not in any way negate the good things in my life NOW. It does not in any way detract from my current happiness. It does not mean anything other than that if I look at these new things, my life will get better.

What is somewhat disturbing is that I had thought I had explored it all—and left it behind. And yet, I have known I am not yet where I would like to be with my life. This is what will allow me to get there.

The “me” in my dreams was scared. When I tried to write my story in my dreams, it became gibberish because it was so scary to that self. And that me resisted doing any of this. Which is my subconscious “protecting” me. But the conscious me knows that no matter what it is, I have the skills and tools to cope. No matter what it is, this would not be surfacing unless I was ready to process it. That's how it's always been.

Perhaps the best thing is that this may explain the writer's block I've had for some time. It may be that until I find a way to write my story—whether it's nonfiction or I fictionalize it—I can't get back to writing what I write best.

It is, as always, an interesting journey.

Sending blessings and safe and gentle ((((((hugs))))))),


Just Be Real said...

Dear one, I do pray that the your mind will be able to release just what it needs to do for you to move ahead.

Blessings and safe hugs to you also April.

Colleen said...

I had tried to write my story many times but never got beyond the first page. Then one day came when the words just poured out of me. It was hard. It was sometimes painful. But they just kept coming. And when they stopped coming, I was done. I have not regretted writing it. I have been afraid and worried but not sorry. Hugs.

jumpinginpuddles said...

uggghhh dreams bleh,

as for writing your story we sure would read it

Paul from Mind Parts said...

April, I think it's a wonderful gift for our subconscious brain to tell us what we need to look at and have that be very transparent. I have a strategy where I write almost immediately after dreams because I find that there is so much there that ends up fading unless it's remembered right away. I see that as the least I can do for the parts of me who are sharing these "secrets" with me. Hope this helps Paul

April_optimist said...

Just Be Real, Thank you.

Colleen, I've journaled about things before and been glad I did so. This feels...different. As if it may need to be more public this time. But I don't yet know. I will. It's just hard to be patient sometimes waiting to figure things out. ;-)

Jumping In Puddles, I suspect I may never write the nonfiction version--just pieces slipped into fiction. But who knows?

Paul, Great tip. I keep a notebook handy just so I can.

VICKI IN AZ said...

Thank you for this. I needed to read it, I need to take this into my soul and believe it and act on what I know. You are right. No matter what it is, it would not be coming up if we weren't ready.
Blessings and Hugs back to you.