Monday, May 18, 2009

Connections and Changes

Just Be Real has given me an award and I'm so very grateful to her for that.

I think we all worry, sometimes, if our words matter. We wonder if what we have to say can help or even just resonate with anyone else. So many other things can begin to take priority over posting to our blogs—even when we keep reading others. So thank you again, Just Be Real.

Not that it's just about whether our words matter. The sense of connection with a community greater than ourselves is just as important! But many of us were told growing up that no one wanted to hear what we had to say or that we talked too much and rewriting those old stories, those lies we were told is what this healing thing is all about. So I'm glad I finally had a chance to go see the award Just Be Real has given me and many others.

The past couple of weeks have been busy. I've been wrapping up one writing class and getting ready to teach another. I've also been helping my daughter move in. She won't be here long but...this short stretch of sharing space is a profound blessing. I see her moving forward in ways I didn't dare to do when I was her age and I see whole new ways I could have created my life. And it makes me think about new possibilities for my life now, as well. Most of all, it's a joy to have a closer relationship with her than I'd have guessed possible just a few years ago.

At the same time, it's strange sharing my space with someone again—for the first time since my divorce! More than once I've had to stop and ask myself what story I was telling—about her, about myself, about our relative responsibilities, motives, etc. And that's good practice even when part of me just wanted to complain—until I remembered how much better my life is now that I DO question the stories I tell myself!

The connections in my life have changed a great deal this year and they are still changing. I love the sense of new possibilities. I hate that embracing those possibilities means stepping outside my comfort zone—even though I know that every time I do, my comfort zone expands. I love that my sense of self continues to expand—even though I hate the honesty it sometimes requires to look at old hurts, old self-doubts, old stories.

Are there changes happening in YOUR life? Are you able to see what's good about them—even if they are challenging and/or hurtful in the moment? I hope so. I hope that every day brings you reasons to smile and small moments of joy. I hope that no matter what the past may have been for you, that you are at least beginning to see wonderful possibilities for yourself in the future.

Sending blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs))))))),
April_optimist

PS Apologies to everyone that I seem to have lost all my links. In theory there's a way to revert to previous blog versions so I can get them back but....so far I've had no luck doing so. Will do so if I can otherwise....it's going to take me a while to rebuild my blog list. ::SIGH::

9 comments:

Just Be Real said...

You are very welcome dear one.....you certainly deserve it.

You have a lot on your plate these days..... I am sure it feels weird to have to share your space once again.... blessings.

mile191 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mile191 said...

beautiful, and well deserved...I have awards to pass along soon, you are in my thoughts of gratitude as well. so very well deserved.

Thanks Just Be Real for recognizing the strength here.

...thinking about what you said to me: "If they knew their connection to the Divine, that they are loved, they wouldn't need to hurt us."

I appreciate this. so much. I am thinking on it.

hugs. ♥

Marj aka Thriver said...

Congrats on the well-deserved award! You know "No one wants to hear what you have to say" is one of those negative tapes I still sometimes play in my head. I'm glad I'm working on re-writing those scripts.

Sorry you lost your links. That happened to me when I switched over to the Layout version of Blogger from Template version. I switched back. I know we visit a lot of the same blogs. Feel free to snatch the links off my sidebar.

Marie said...

Thank you for the reminder to keep examining what's going on inside -- how healing it is and how it brings blessings . . . I enjoy your writing!

- Marie (Coming Out of the Trees)
http://mmaaggnnaa.wordpress.com/

mile191 said...

hey...this is awesome. thanks for sharing your insights. can I post something that you said here and my reaction, reflection, my growth, in having you, your influence in my life??? let me know if you don't want me to....it is the second to last paragraph. the questions you asked, i want to write.....i will write right now, but not post to give you time to okay....thanks

mile 191...

Colleen said...

Beautiful post. Thanks.

April_optimist said...

I'll be back to respond to everyone but just saw mile 191's comment. (I am sooooo way behind on everything!) Sure you can reference my post and write about your reaction, etc.

April_optimist said...

Just Be Real, Thank you. It is strange to share space. And to know it's for such a short time.

Mile 191, I saw up close the pain my abusers felt. The shame and self-hate. What they did, they did trying to blot out that pain. I have no need for revenge because there's nothing I could say or do that would be worse than the pain they carried inside already.

Marj, Thanks. I tried to switch back but it didn't work. So...now I need to rebuild my list of links. Thanks for the offer to let me use some of yours.

Marie and Colleen, Thank you for your kind words.