Thursday, January 10, 2008

No Words

It’s been a while since I posted. For the last few days the words just weren’t there—which is a strange and scary feeling for a writer!

Part of it is that my online writing class started (the one I’m teaching) and there were some glitches that took a lot of energy and email and even some phone calls to straighten out. I also found that I needed to revise my planned lessons as I got a feel for the composition of the group.

Part of it is also that I find myself in a time of growth and that in itself can be tiring. Not a bad thing, just means I need more rest as I process this new sense of self.

I remember when I first was working with the counselor who I believe saved my life—both literally and figuratively. I must have indicated I wanted all this “stuff” over with in a short period of time because he commented that I was on a lifelong journey of growth. I have to say that really freaked me out. No way did I want to feel like THAT forever!

Now, in retrospect, I can see that a) he was right and b) it isn’t scary, it’s exciting. (Even at the time I was pretty sure that if he said it, it was true—I just didn’t want to believe it!)

Now I see that this lifelong journey is a good thing. I DON’T feel awful, the way I did at that stage of growth. Now I smile as I realize I’m going through a growing phase. I look forward with anticipation to the new good things it will bring into my life. It’s just a bit tiring, too, and I sometimes need to remind myself of that wonderful (and so true!) saying: The middle of change often looks like chaos.

I hope that each of you are finding moments of joy in the midst of your journeys of growth. Sending blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs))))))),



Enola said...

My T always says that this is a "process." I really don't like that word - LOL. It's a SLOW process is what it really is. But it takes time, like all important things do. Time to absorb the lessons and make life changes.

Glad you are back to blogging and I hope your class goes well.

keepers said...

good to see a post from you again. hope the class goes well and you enjoy it to the utmost.

peace and blessings


Rising Rainbow said...

Yes, life is a process, a journey. Sometimes it comes easy and sometimes it comes hard. Sometimes it's exhausting and sometimes it's exhilirating. I'm grateful for the chance to pursue it.

Good luck with your class.

Karma said...

Thanks April for putting this into words. I also felt at the beginning of this process just completely overwhelmed and buried, seeing no way out of the process. But, the further along I get, the lighter the process feels. Sometimes its still frustrating to have to deal with trauma issues that I'd love to just put behind me. But, with your type of attitude, that all of life is a process and that we all have issues to work through, the lightness returns.

gypsy-heart said...

Just remember this quote:

"If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies."
~Author Unknown

You are a butterfly dear heart. Your struggles have made your wings strong.

Now fly...


April_optimist said...

Enola, It's like rolling a snowball. Very slooooow at first but then moving/growing faster and faster--and in this case more easily as we see proof that we can be happier, we can make changes in our lives.

Keepers, Thank you. I love showing people how writing can be easier and more fun.

Rising Rainbow, Thank you and yes, I'm grateful too for this chance to make the journey.

Karma, Yes! The journey does get easier and lighter. And the moments when we feel overwhelmed rarer and rarer until we almost never have them.

Gypsy Heart, Ah, I love that quote! Thank you for sharing it and for affirming that I am the butterfly I believe myself to be.