Quick Note

Just a quick note to let all of you know I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth!

I’m visiting my son who has down syndrome and lives with my ex-husband. It’s been an....interesting...visit. Yes, that’s the word. Let’s call it interesting. Better than some alternatives I might choose. It’s a short visit but no visit that involves interacting with my ex-husband is ever simple. There is always miscommunication, differing expectations, and echoes of regret that things are the way they are. Even so, this has been one for the record books.

Still, I got to see two friends, one of whom is recovering from advanced breast cancer. It looks as if, against all odds, she’s beaten it. And that’s a reason to celebrate.

I no longer live with chaos every day. That’s a reason to celebrate.

Every miscommunication is getting resolved. That’s a reason to celebrate.

I’m seeing my son. That’s a reason to celebrate.

Each time I visit, I process another level of emotions about my marriage and that’s a reason to celebrate.

I’m able to step back, watch old fears surface and let them go or see the situations in new ways. I’m able to shake my head at the scared, unhappy person I used to be and see how much I’ve changed. And that’s a reason to celebrate.

Right before I came here, a friend emailed me a prayer I love and that I must admit I’ve repeated to myself frequently on this trip. It goes something like this: God protect me from all harm, seen and unseen, and let me do no harm to anyone including myself. (I’m paraphrasing the actual prayer because this is the form that resonates most with me.) And that’s a reason to celebrate.

This isn’t an easy visit. It’s one of the hardest in some time. And things don’t look as if they are going to get simple any time soon. And yet...I’m able to step back and let it unfold as it will. I’m able to trust that I can and will handle whatever the outcome of the latest chaos will be and that good will come out of it. And that’s a reason to celebrate.

I hope that all of you are okay and I apologize for all the blogs I haven’t had a chance to read or respond to right now. Know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Sending blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs)))))))),
April_optimist