Today I want to write about those moments, the ones where someone says or does something and you feel blindsided, paralyzed, and unable to think of a response. You may realize immediately or it may take you a while to recognize that what’s happened resonates powerfully with something from the past.
It happened to me several times this week and involved both personal and professional situations.
Now the good thing is that none of these paralyzed me to the point that I couldn’t act. Even as the old responses washed through me I could take action and make changes so that the situations won’t recur—at least not with these people. (Mind you, one of these occasions was when it looked like my friend might have had the cancer come back so there wasn’t anything I could do—except be there for her. But at least I could be there for her.)
In a couple of the cases it was tempting to lash out. Doing so would have solved nothing. It was also tempting to try to “explain.” But trying to changing anyone else is a fool’s mission. Besides, the other person’s reality is the other person’s reality—even if it isn’t mine.
What we can do when one of those moments happens is to step back and recognize the experiences with which it’s resonating and:
---We can honor and protect our truest selves—both who we are now and who we were then.
---We can recognize that sometimes loyalty has—and should have!—limits.
---We can refuse to hand our power over to someone else to decide how we should feel about ourselves.
---We can continue to do the things that make us laugh and bring us joy.
I suspect that without the childhood I had, I’d have shrugged off easily the things that happened this week. (Except of course for my friend’s situation with surgery and cancer.)
But we are who we are and it’s important to go from where we are—rather than from where we wish we were. The good thing is that we can. No matter what our past has been like we CAN choose to find ways to be happy NOW and learn new ways to interact with others. No matter what our past has been, we can choose to reclaim NOW our power over our own lives.
Wishing for all of you a smoother week than the one I’ve had. Wishing for all of you the wisdom and resilience to keep working on creating the lives you want to have.
Sending blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs))))))),