Wednesday, July 04, 2007

I Could....

I could call this post adventures in demented parenting. I could tell you about hiding the phone to keep my son from making calls at one in the morning. I could tell you about discovering the next day that there were 2 (not one!) phones that needed to be hid and discovering my ex-husband had forgotten to tell me about the person my son calls who has threatened to call the police if he doesn’t stop calling her. Wondering what else my ex-husband has forgotten to warn me about. I could tell you about all the other challenges this week with my son. But...

But...I’d rather talk about what’s good about my trip.

1) Seeing friends. Discovering new ways of interacting with some of them. Seeing them from a new perspective.

2) Celebrating my friend finishing up treatment for breast cancer and being told she has no markers for the cancer.

3) Being able to do some research at the library here (larger than the one back home) for a workshop I’ll be giving soon.

4) Discovering that I can let go of the fear I could never belong and knowing that I will belong wherever I go.

5) Joy at the thought of returning to the life I live NOW—in a house with lots of light and sunshine in a place that makes me smile.

6) Celebrating the news that my daughter has found an apartment to share at very reasonable rent not that far from me for when she starts graduate school in the fall in my new home town.

7) Reaffirming that even in the midst of the chaos here with my son I CAN find reasons and moments to laugh and smile EVERY DAY.

Our culture is full of sayings like: No pain, no gain. If it doesn’t hurt, you’re not doing it right. It’s supposed to hurt!

My response? Nonsense!

Anything we need to do, we will do better if we find some way to make it fun and easier. Anything. I could fight with my son but my odds of success at changing some of his behavior go way up if I find ways to make the change fun and/or easy. It’s the only approach likely to actually work. I could be grim about this whole experience but all that would do is raise my blood pressure, leave me frustrated and feeling like a failure, and likely to lash out at my son. If I make jokes, find reasons to laugh, make sure that every meal has some (healthy) food I love, see friends, and remember all the good things in my life, then I am more likely to be able to think of things to try with my son and to enjoy at least some moments of the time I’m spending here with him.

If there is one thing you get from my posts, I hope it is this philosophy that finding ways to smile, reasons to laugh, and easier ways of doing things will do more to help you succeed in any area of your life and to heal than anything else you could do.

Sending laughter and blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs))))))),


keepers said...

Dear April

you are so right, your outlook is so healthy and positive inducing!! we can chose to be happy and see the good side or concentrate on the negative, thank for showing us once again the best route to take!

peace and blessings


Holly said...

Hi April,
Enjoy the trip and chat soon. blessings from Holly

jumpinginpuddles said...

trying ot find a smile in amongst tears is hard but it is healthy also thanks for the smile :)

April_optimist said...

Thanks everyone. I have to say it's really good to be home.