Saturday, July 22, 2006


There was an article in the paper today and it was about daydreams. I found myself thinking about mine. All the daydreams I’ve ever had, I think, are about protecting people and/or being loved and valued for who I am—something that seemed so unlikely when they first began when I was a child.

In real life when I was a child, just as in those daydreams, it seemed that people generally saw me as not good enough or outright bad. And the key to the daydreams, the payoff, was that someone special would discover that I was really helping people and really was special and really was a good person.

That mirrors my need in real life to protect others and help them believe in themselves and be happy. I CAN’T not do those things. I think the one thing that cuts me down faster than anything else is to believe I have done something that hurt someone else. Plus, for so much of my life, I desperately wanted someone, anyone to realize what a good person I was trying to be and value who I was.

The thing about daydreams is that they can help us see what we value and what matters to us emotionally. They can show us who we want to be and what we want to do.

Some of my daydreams these days are about hitting the NY Times bestseller list or becoming a famous movie star or a highly successful motivational speaker. I picture myself on Oprah and other talk shows. Why? Because it would feel as if people realized I was special and my words were worth reading or I was someone they resonated to when they saw me on stage or on the screen. Plus, of course, it would be nice to have the financial recompense that goes with those things—without having to take advantage of anyone to get that much money!

To some degree I’ve lived part of those dreams. I have protected others. I have found people who value who I am. I’ve had several books published. I get to give workshops that make a difference in people’s lives. Thinking about this, though, makes me realize that sometimes I let fear keep me from going after these goals in a more focused way. But now that I’ve started thinking about them, that may change.

What are YOUR daydreams and how have you lived them in real life? How could you live them even more?



john michael said...

Hi April

I think some of our daydreams were same as yours, to be approved of, to have our art appreciated, to be able to help others overcome their abuse and become thrivers as well as survivors. When we say or write something another survivor or MPD/DID can identify with and relate to and they say thanks it is so special to know we made a difference for a minute or maybe a lifetime to that person.


April_optimist said...

Yes, John!!! It's one way we can make something good come out of some pretty terrible times.