Saturday, October 11, 2008

Long Week

It's been a long week and I know I'm overdue to post. Sophy needed medicine again and again it made her nuts. Thank heavens I'd seen online that this was a possible side effect or I'd have really been worried about what I was getting into with her! Once she was off it, she settled right back down again.

And my son is getting nervous about moving into the group home. It's a great group home with a really caring and well trained staff. But understandably he's nervous so I've been fielding lots of calls from him.

My daughter is talking about moving after this year—away from the city where I live. I know she needs to do what's best for her and I am sooooo grateful for the time we've had living near each other but...I'll miss her if she does go. I've been listening to her fears, too, and her elation that so many people seem so eager to help her find the right place. But then she's brilliant and unusual—far more so than she realizes.

My latest writing class....well....fewer students than I hoped are ready to spend the money to take it.

I've also been having dreams—and mine are never subtle. I dream of marriage and in the dream it requires giving up my purse and my luggage (my identity) and discovering the guy is abusive as well. I dream of everyone else eating food (which represents love) and being the only one not to have a seat.

As I said, my dreams are never subtle. They highlight for me assumptions I didn't realize I still have and that I will need to consciously dismantle. Probably by imagining what it might be like if I did have a loving partner who truly valued me.

That's one of the high points of this week, by the way. Researchers have discovered (duh!) that having or being able to imagine something which signifies safety or happiness near one gives a person the incentive to keep going forward and fight depression.

Since I always suggest that we wear clothes that make us feel happy or strong or safe and ditto for wearing jewelry or the objects with which we surround ourselves and since from the time I was a small child I would imagine situations and people where and with whom I would be safe and/or happy....this makes perfect sense to me. As I said above, DUH!!! Who needs research to discover these things? And yet I'm glad for that research. I like the confirmation that I've been on the right track all along.

Normally I'd focus just on this last thing—what we can do to feel better and the proof that it works. But this week I'm tired. This week to let you see that being an optimist doesn't mean there are never any challenges.

So how does one handle all of the above? I look for solutions to the things I can do something about—like the assumptions I still seem to have about relationships. For the things over which I have no control, I ask myself: What good could come out of this? What can I learn from this? What are the changes I might want to make in my life or my interactions with others? Is there something I can do to help make the transition easier for my son? Are there things I want to do with my daughter before she leaves the area? What kind of training do I want to work on with Sophy? If there is any kind of gap in my life, what steps do I want to take to fill it?

In other words, instead of ignoring things or putting energy into feeling like a victim I'm choosing to be proactive. I'm reminding myself that there are always choices—even if they aren't the ones I want the most. And I use my imagination as a way of looking for new possibilities and keeping myself from getting mired in negative emotions. And now there's even research that says that actually works.

Sending all of you blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs))))))),


Kahless said...

I never knew that abbout fighting depression. Though my T did get me to imagine my aunt next to me when I was having problems.

jumpinginpuddles said...

Uggh crazy dogs hyped up on medicine and bad dreams see that in itself is a stress factor. I hope more people get ot the writing class soon! And that your son adapts well to his group home adn that will relieve your repssure a bit

Mary said...

Sure hope your son adapts well to the new group home and your daughter does well also. That sure makes for a lot of stress for you. Just take one day at a time..take care..Mary

April_optimist said...

Kahless, It's one of the strongest tools I had when I was sorting out my past and how my future was going to be different.

Jumping in Puddles, A few more people signed up so now it's a cozy but decent sized class. My son begins living in the group home this week so keep your fingers crossed for him. And thank heavens Sophy is off the medication! Not that it stopped her from figuring out how to pull down the drapes this week....

Mary, Thank you. I keep telling myself to take deep breaths and remember what a great place the group home is. And I just got off the phone with my daughter who reassured me she doesn't have a concussion after all....