I suspect that's not a question we ask ourselves very often. We are far more likely to focus on who we think we should be. I wonder how many of us have ever sat down and written out who we are, what we like, etc. If we haven't, I suspect it's because we're afraid that we won't like what we discover or that it won't be good enough.
I still remember my shock, a few years ago, after my divorce, when I realized that my ex-husband's opinions notwithstanding, maybe it was okay to like using an automatic coffee maker!
What if we started with the proposition that whoever we are is okay and that our job is to figure out how to create a life that supports and empowers who we are—not who we think we should be? What if we asked what sort of schedule would best suit our natural body rhythms? Our preferences for working alone vs with others? What if we asked ourselves whether we liked creative freedom or being told what to do? What if we asked ourselves what kind of people we LIKED to be around? What if we asked ourselves what level of intimacy suited us? What if we asked ourselves what would make us happy?
What if we truly believed there were no right or wrong answers—only information that could let us create happy, productive lives?
As a writer, I ask myself that question all the time about the lives of my characters. But it's an equally powerful question to ask about my own life. In my writing, I can't know what will work with a character until I know who they are and how they feel and what is going to suit them and what won't—no matter how much they try to make something fit that won't. In my own life, I'm trying to step back and figure out exactly who I am and what best suits me—rather than doing what I did for so many decades which was to try to be who I thought I should be and who other people wanted me to be.
This may sound like a selfish thing to do but in the end it gives the greatest odds that we and the people we bring into our lives may actually be able to be happy.
Sending blessings and safe and gentle ((((((hugs)))))),