I was going to write a “Valuing Self pt. 3” and talk about how it matters that we value ourselves because it's in the moments we fear we aren't good enough and/or we will be rejected/abandoned that we are most likely to do or say things that hurt ourselves and/or others. That's what I was going to write about. But...
But this week I heard that my son with Down syndrome may soon be placed in housing. And that's a good thing, I think. But...it's churned up all sorts of emotions for me.
Will the housing be good enough?
Will my son be able to adjust?
Will he be happy there?
It also means a lot of other changes. My ex-husband will almost certainly sell the house where my kids grew up. My links with the state where I lived for over 20 years are disappearing.
Odds are that my ex-husband will marry since it's our son who his girlfriend didn't want to deal with.
There won't be many more times I go and stay in the house with my son (while my ex-husband is elsewhere).
I know. In the grand scheme of things, none of this is terrible. None of this is unexpected. None of this is even, necessarily a bad thing.
But all of this adds up to profound emotional upheaval for me.
Let me be clear: I don't begrudge my ex-husband happiness. I'm glad that maybe my son is moving to a new level of independence. I hope a new setting will help him grow. All of this could be good.
It's just a profound emotional upheaval for me.