Saturday, May 19, 2007


I want to write today about why I focus so intensely on the choices we can make and the steps we can take to heal.

WE ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN HEAL OURSELVES. We can find supportive counselors. They can advise and help to create a safe space for us to heal. Ultimately, however, we are the ones who must take responsibility for our lives and we are the ones who must do the work.

No one can do the healing for us. WE must rewrite the messages we took in. WE must find the courage and determination to change the patterns of our lives. WE must be willing to try new things and do what scares us most. WE must decide that we matter and that we will do whatever it takes to heal. No one can do any of those things for us.

It’s hard. It’s damned hard. It’s scary as hell, too. What is the alternative? To stay unhappy for the rest of our lives? To live out patterns where we are helpless and get hurt over and over again?

If we find the courage to take the steps to heal, if we are willing to do the hard work, if we will risk believing in ourselves and find ways to bring joy into our lives every day then we can be happy.

Let me repeat what I’ve said before and is at the core of what I believe: The best thing any of us—any person can do—is to make time and find ways to laugh and smile every day. It can be little things. Flowers on the table. A movie that makes us laugh. A lovely flavored tea. An afternoon playing sports with friends. A moment of shared laughter with a friend.

The more we find ways and reasons to smile, the easier it becomes to believe we can and deserve to be happy. The more we break the patterns of our lives in small ways, the easier it becomes to break them in larger ways. The more we rewrite the voice that says we’re only allowed to do what we’re supposed to do and replace it with the message that it’s okay to laugh and smile, the easier it is to let more and more happiness into our lives.

Warning: If you have an abusive person in your life, do not let them see you being happy! Find safe ways and places to do so. And begin to plan how to SAFELY get out and away from the monster. No matter how familiar and safe it feels to be with what you know, you do not deserve to live that way! If you think the monster is capable of changing, the most likely way for that to happen is to be gone so that the person has the motivation to change. If you decide to go make SAFETY your highest priority!

Back to my main point. We cannot wait around for someone to “save” us. We must make the choices and take the steps that will get us where we want to be. Part of that is finding the support we need in order to do so but most of it is choosing how we will live our lives and the people we will choose to become.

It’s funny. As a kid, every daydream I had was about being a hero and saving people. Now, as an adult, I realize that each of us must be the hero of our own lives. Each of us must save ourselves.

Sending blessings and safe and gentle (((((((hugs))))))),



keepers said...

great post!! the bottom line is we must do the work to change our lives and how we live, with the support of loved ones and friends. thank you for reminding all of us where the responsibility is ultimately.

peace and blessings


jumpinginpuddles said...

We have an awesome T but at the end of the day she cna only do as much as we let her in order for us to do the rest in other words we can only hear if we are willing to listen.
Thank god for supportive T, we agree with keepers awesoem blog this one on a topic very close to our heart.

Marj aka Thriver said...

Yep, I've bee through this thinking exercise and sometimes I think it sucks--someone else DID THIS to me, but I'm the one who has to do the healing. At least I know that I've got the power to do it and I don't have to wait around for someone else to show up and "make it all better."

April_optimist said...

Yup--it's not fair that we have these challenges to overcome but wonderful to realize that we have the power within us to overcome them.