Tuesday, January 30, 2007

HSP addendum

I’ve read some more by Elaine Aron and I want to say a little more about her work on highly sensitive people. As I said in my previous post, there is a great deal there that’s useful. I just want to caution anyone who had a difficult childhood that it can feel as if she has a negative bias toward those who did--assuming we are all bad bets for a relationship.

Now let me state clearly that I suspect I'm misreading what she is saying. I mention it in case anyone else has that reaction to reading an author I've suggested.

I believe this: We are all individuals. We will all be affected by abuse but not all to the same degree. It IS possible to grow up and be capable of love!

Yes, there will be greater challenges. And I know what the odds are. But individuals are not odds. We can find ways to heal and create healthy lives for ourselves.

I do want to make something else very clear. I know this: It is easy to blame the one with who was abused for problems in a marriage. I know from experience that in my marriage I blamed myself. It’s is also possible that it will look to the outside world as if it is the one who was abused who creates the problems even though it is the one who had the (apparently) normal childhood who actually does as much or more damage to the relationship and has as many (or more) problems with self-esteem.

So I want to encourage you to realize the power is in your hands--as it is in mine--to look clearly at situations and accept the responsibility that is ours and at the same time recognize when something is NOT our responsibility.

I still encourage anyone who gets easily overwhelmed, who takes in more information than most people, and who otherwise fits her profile of a highly sensitive person (HSP) to read her work. Use what is useful and (at least for the moment) don't worry about the rest. And don't let anyone ever cause you to doubt your ability to heal and create the life you want to have!

Sending safe and gentle (((((((hugs))))))),



jumpinginpuddles said...

interestingly we just did a blog on the victimization syndrome and here we are reading some stuff we had in there very bizarre.

April_optimist said...

Jumping in Puddles,

Great minds think alike?

I still don't know if I misread the material. I do wish she had explicitly said that even if one had a traumatic background one should not assume the issues in the relationship are primarily caused by that background.

Now she does indicate cases where an individual with a difficult childhood chooses an abusive partner.

In any case, there is also useful information in her work for those who are easily overwhelmed by stimuli.